im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's get the cat blown out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize