Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
