I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
