i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
