I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
