we have officially lost it.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
