I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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