We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize