Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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