I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
