My room smells like vodka and shame
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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