it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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