I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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