dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
