We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
