Define "chronic" masturbator.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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