have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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