sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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