you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
