Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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