Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
