I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
