and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
