I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
