Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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