She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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