I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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