I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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