i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
