I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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