That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I pour the whiskey from now on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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