The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
