I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
