Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
