I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
