on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
