Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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