thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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