Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
