Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
