it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
