is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
