omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
