please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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