Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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