they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize