By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Mom said you looked used
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize