420 ftw
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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