DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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