How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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