You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
