Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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