Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
