In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
