My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize