I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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