Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
