i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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