are you still at the devil's house?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
