and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
