I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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