and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
