Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
