I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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