So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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