I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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