Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
