'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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