what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
