and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize