rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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