we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
