I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
