she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize