Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
