I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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