i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
