Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
