I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
