somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
